Take your raincoat off and come inside.

you had Purgatory in your pull.


oh....wait.

charles told me he wouldn't mind getting to know you more.

The Ion Brothers thought they were sucking your dick, but they were really just eating manicotti stuffed with ricotta, parmesan, and romano cheeses.

In D.A.R.E., I learned that whenever you smoke anything, your throat heats up to 3000 degrees, which is almost as hot as the outer surface of the sun.

You still call hoo-hoos "vaginas," and nar nars "boobs."

You still call vaginas "hoo-hoos," and boobs "nar nars."

Patrick "Let's Do a Shot of Tequila Before We Smoke This Joint" O'Brien.

Do you have to use a pull cord to start your Xbox 360?

your favorite wrester is Rowdy Roddy Pie Cart, lard ass.

You wrote a fan letter to Ravishing Rick Rude.

Mick "Two Drinks Are Enough" Nichesky.

Geoff showed me the movie you guys made.

You stepped on a jelly donut and skittles came out, you fat fuck.

Great job getting that honorable mention ribbon at Band Bounce for the oboe solo that you wrote!

You were Mon Mothma for Hallowe'en in 1996.

John. That nug you used to fuck in college? She wrote a tell-all memoir. It's called, "Quadriplegia: Better Than Sex!"

You got voted "Shiniest Helmet" your senior year, I heard.

Laurie from your middle school told me about how you spit in her mouth and punched her in the stomach in the bushes by the library. It's just mean.

you can has balloon knot.

Jason Simon told me that he LET YOU nibble on his engorged balloon knot while he did sit ups.

you put an add on craigslist offering to "lick" everyones "envelopes" and in special cases even their "stamps."

I heard you joined an online meal-sharing message board, and that you're the moderator for the topic "You gonna finish that?"

I heard you had Mr. Sibel for AP Drama.

mmm...

i heard you like to stuff a truck stop BLTs worth of boiled bacon in your backseat and cruise for tea sandwiches.

You and your landlady's kid played tummysticks in the Whirlpool.

In the basement.

(thx pto)

Your favorite video game is Grand Heft Auto, you fat fuck.

Mike, I heard you started a rap group with Ivan.

Do you still keep that empty pickle jar next to your bed?

I saw a call for auditions for a play. The role seems perfect for you. It's called "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Stranger."

I saw you on the local news yelling about where some guy parked his car.

Your favorite drummer is the energizer bunny.